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Feb 21, 2011

Fathers Group Controversial remarks on sexual behavior of youths

Stephen Okeke is well-known as a painter, sculptor, author and fulltime entrepreneur.  Okeke has donned another hat that many people aren’t aware of. For the past two years, Okeke has been a part of an organization intended to help fathers to deal with challenges of raising and protecting the family. It is called the Father’s Round Table, Center for Men and Family Affairs.  Okeke says that living in what his group considers a matriarchal society, problems can arise when it comes to raising our youths, particularly our males.  Recently there have been a string of carnal knowledge charges levied against teenage males who wind up in jail. The father’s round table believes that the mixed messages brought by non-governmental organizations may actually be causing more damage than good.

Stephen Okeke, Father’s Round Table, Center for Men and Family Affairs

Stephen Okeke

“We are showing advertisement where young women are running down their mother, running down elderly looking women because they are surprised at that age—fourteen, fifteen looking young women—buying condoms, they run them down. And these things are sponsored that this is the way society should run and on the other hand; we are being told as parents we should protect and take care of our children, yet the society and the N.G.O.s are sponsoring advertisements that say you know what don’t listen to your parents and it is your right. Watch here, young people are being given condoms for free, are being pressured that they must have sex. We are told again and again that we know that young people are having sex so we should make the path shorter for them by continuously giving them condoms. You go to the shops and what hits you first is the picture of scantily dressed women on condom; that doesn’t seem to suggest anything about safety. But now, when these young people seem to do exactly what they are pressured into doing, what they are castigated into doing, what they are shamed into doing, because sex is taken to be a rite of passage—if you don’t have sex as a young man at fourteen, at fifteen, at twelve, then there is something wrong with you. And we are also told that abstinence does not work, cannot work, in fact, if you practice abstinence as a young person there is something psychologically wrong with you. This is horribly confusing for them. And there is this issue of this young man, nineteen years, having sex with a twelve year old girl. We don’t condone such behavior, but we also have to appreciate they are being pressured into doing this thing. We have seen other cases. Now this young man is nineteen years and the girl is twelve years. This is not an issue of being rape you know, it is not an issue of being forced. As bad as it may seem, their age difference, in the same bracket of young people, they don’t understand the politics of sex, but the older people who understand the politics of sex because of sponsorship and money—I’m calling out the national Aids Commission. Why would this young man’s face be in the media? Why would he be rundown? Why will he be left to the wolves? I understand we should protect our daughters, but we can’t afford to leave our sons to the wolves; to the wolves of N.G.O.s who don’t mind the destruction they are causing by the conflicting: violently contradictory message they give to young people.”

Okeke says that there must be more that parents and the civil society can do to protect our children.

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22 Responses for “Fathers Group Controversial remarks on sexual behavior of youths”

  1. Junito says:

    Soar Old Man…his mind lives in the last century and always tried to get a little 15 mins of fame..

  2. From the West says:

    thats right

  3. TheFuture says:

    4get d man, take heed to the message becuas when that 12 yr old gets pregnant and nither one can support that child or give him/her an education let them not come knocking at my door for a job becuase i will SPIT on them. Teenagers thnk having sex is just for fun and there is no consiquence but when reality strikes you, it is then you sink in your sorrow. You blame the government and others for the society you live in but you should blame yourself and the choices you make. What you all need is wisdom and understanding, not pleasure and wealth (This goes for the man with the highest position to the man begging on the streets)

  4. cg says:

    Mr Okeke is right on track!! We should promote more abstinence rather than promote the safety of sex, basically telling kids its ok to do it. NO morals exist in a person that disagrees with his comments. Eventhough these young girls who obviously have been thought sex is ok, these young boys are left out to pasture on their own. Bad behaviour goes both ways if its willing and these young girls need to learn a lesson too. I have two boys and who knows what they would do if cooerced, we are all imperfect, but i would not appreciate them getting in trouble over some young thing pretending to be something else..just my take

  5. MACAL RIVERA says:

    DIS MAN OKEKE SHOULD BE THE LAST TO TALK, I WONDER IF HE HAVE CHILDREN,
    CAN’T HE SEE AND UNDERSTAND THAT ALL THESE ISSUES IS ABOUT PARENTING, WHAT HE NEED TO DO IS ENCOURAGE ALL THE FATHERS HE COMES IN CONTACT WITH TO TRY BE THERE FOR THEIR SONS AND DAUGHTERS, CHILDREN IMITATE WHAT PARENTS DO,
    NEXT THING I WANT TO REMIND HIM IS THAT HE FORGET HE WAS YOUNG ONCE.
    OKEKE YOU NEED TO EDUCATE YOURSELF CAUSE MOST NGO’S AND OTHER ORGANIZATION TALKS ABOUT ABSTINENCE, IT IS THE PARENTS DUTY TO SET AN EXAMPLE TO THEIR CHILDREN.

  6. The Educated One says:

    @ Macal…it is the paren’ts duty to teach/train their child and society’s duty to enforce what the parent has already thought. The Social Media and NGOs are a BACK UP to what Parents should be teaching in the household.

    Abstinence works! Forget what society says…it’s MY body. Our youth, mostly young men need to be MENTALLY strong to endure and understand that being a man is more than having SEX. Our young women need to be taught that they need to establish a STANDARD and not settle.

    A Good Father will train his young son to understand what being a MAN is – that sex doesn’t make the man.

    A Good Father will train his young daughter to establish and standard and not be so willing to open up their leg to every sweet word whispered in their ears – having plenty easy sex just makes you invaluable. You girls are more valuable than what you express through your bodies.

    Bottom Line – It starts in the home.

  7. cindy says:

    He has some points. Why put this young man face on all media and big criminals faces hidden? it is no onnly the young man fault it is also the girls fault. i am a girl and i know that young girls dress like real slots. with all respect . come on parents look over your girls for they want to grow to fast.

  8. RadicalBelizean says:

    Mr Okeke is allowed to come and live in Belize and of course he brings with him his own culture and beliefs. However Mr Okeke I don’t represent the views of born and bred Belizean men.

    I have two points: Granted if the young man was 19 years old then by law he is thought of in most civil society as a man and therefore having sex with a minor would be considered unlawful. For this reason being the adult in sexual relationship he was the one who should have been responsible enough to identify the 12 year old as a child. Where Mr Okeke comes from it is legal to have sex with a minor as young as 12-13 and so why he would react in this manner. Furthermore, one of the most effective why of combating HIV and other STDs is by promoting safe sex by condom use. Please do not let Belize already high rates of STDs increase because of this man’s views.

    Finally, one of the most common complaints from the public here in Belize, is the misogynistic views of the men. Some of your comments just confirmed these views. In addition anyone would be forgiven for thinking that by you perpetrating to represent Belizean men this is common views. As a man with sisters, nieces, aunties, mother, mother-in law one would be horrified by your stone age views. Having being allowed into Belize, you come here and want our women to now dressed covered up to their eyeballs like parts of your own country. This is Latin America and the Caribbean now Africa. HIV spread rapidly in countries where condom was not freely available and used. Even the Pope recently acknowledged and endorsed the use of condom.

  9. Earl Grey says:

    IT’S JUST A…………… SIGN OF THE TIMES………………………

  10. Tired of OKEKE says:

    Honestly this OKEKE guy has some serious issues, every time he has an article on the newspaper or a media appearance he spills poison on whatever the issue may be. I believe in having the liberty to express yourself, but come on this mas lives in the last century. It is because people like him that a lot of people fall into ignorance. Let face the challenges, educate our youth, teach them about all options that they have available and guide them toward having save sex and if the fall let us help them and set them on the right path. FORGET OKEKE do the right thing, be a good parent and teach your kids about sex; its pros and cons.

  11. largeandsexy says:

    this man okeke comes from a country that has the highest rate of HIV, now he want to come in our country and try to behave like a pope!!! hell no you okeke, go back where you come from Belize is far better than the place you come from, so why should I pay mine to you, sicko!!!
    I totally agree with macal and the educated one.

  12. Concerned says:

    This man seems to want to lay the blame with everyone else. It’s the mother’s fault – the reason that so many young people are raised by women is because of irresponsible men, not behaving like fathers. It’s the fault of society – if children were taught about personal responsibility and consequences by their families and fathers, they could make well informed decisions and not be influenced by advertisements. It’s the fault of NGO’s – AIDS is one of the top causes of death in Belize. Sticking your head in the sand about it won’t change a think. Condoms must be freely available to protect everyone. Perhaps if this Father’s Circle spent more time pressuring men to behave like responsible fathers, support, teach and provide good role models to their children, there would not need to be a discussion like this. Lead by example. Unfortunately this is all about not being responsible and blaming everyone but the people who could really change things. They say, when you point a finger at someone there are always four more pointing back at you. As for making excuses for a 19 year old man raping a 12 year old child….well that is unforgivable and says more about this man than anything else he’s said before. Lock your girls up parents – Stephen Okeke is around and thinks that raping little girls is justifiable.

  13. COncERNED LB says:

    ANY TYPE OF SEX(EVEN SAFE SEX)IS NOT SAFE!!! Using condoms?? What stupidness!!!! The Bible says anyone that does fornication will rot and dry up, and God will specifically punish this type of sin, in a very very harsh manner. So when this Mr. Okeke says these things, it is a serious matter. Look here: Ok, parties, drinking, condoms, sex…. The circle is full. Parties are pushed at the kids, the drinks, then condoms, and then sex…guess what, the condom is a trick from the DEVIL himself..because for screwing around you are prone to greater danger than just aids. All aspects of youre life will go down, including financial , etc…Oh, I see so many peoples’ conscience is dead and dull!! Dressing in a proper way does make a difference. Dress scantily, guys will be tempted and therefore all the rape, and so on. Its all set up in such a way that fornication WILL happen. Its a complete system and we need to get out of this system!!

  14. whole heart says:

    Not a single thing Mr. Okeke says is held in any fact. People are free to talk about their position, but there are not free to spread wrong information or misinformation. You cannot call out anyone when SRH or Sexual and Reproductive Health Education is censored, sometimes made irrelevant by fundamentalists nuts who thinks there is only one way to address social ills in this country. Okeke ignores the fact that there is something called sexual and reproductive rights and from a purely rights-base approach, young people are hardly ever given the complete information for them to make an inform decision.

  15. Concerned says:

    Men are responsible for their own behavior and anyone who suggests otherwise is just making excuses for their inability to control their own sexuality. Rape has nothing to do with sex. Rape is about power. Elderly people are raped, children are raped and respectable women who dress conservatively are raped. Teenage pregnancy is rampant and so is AIDS, so I’d like to know why anyone could possibly blame condoms. These things happen because people are not using condoms. Perhaps men could start to become better fathers, take responsibility for their behavior and clean up their act instead of blaming women and children. My 60 year old church going friend gets shouted at in the street by men all the time. She dresses very conservatively and is very strict about her religion – that’s her fault is it? Man up, get a backbone and take responsibility.

  16. Isay says:

    I do believe that NGOs and other organizations send out mixed messages and are not working together to bring across what’s right for OUR society. Let’s not forget that when we speak of “society”..it’s comprised of you and I…so when we want change and speak of it…we should start with the change ourselves!!!

  17. B Groovy says:

    This man may not be one hundred percent right ,at least he started a conversation.

  18. sharonbze says:

    He need to stick to his day job….ooops he dont have one. Or go make a statue okeke. Getting on the news wont get u famous my bway. It dont matter, u cant tell no young person about absinence. So give them the condoms. When u r an adult adult chose to have sex with a 12 year old. U r going to jail. No questions. Dont try to put the blame elsewhere. I agree. U just want to be infront of a camera. Lol

  19. Concerned says:

    Just in case anyone is wondering how effective abstinence programmes are can see here:

    http://nsrc.sfsu.edu/article/abstinence_only_failure_latest_research_shows
    “As pregnant teens take the national stage and the merits of sexual education are suddenly being debated by pundits across the country, the latest research findings from the National Sexuality Resource Center’s Sexuality Research and Social Policy journal leave no room for doubt: abstinence-only education programs do not help teens delay initiation of sex, and there is no scientific evidence to support them. These findings in this study, from a review of sexuality education program evaluations by Douglas B. Kirby, are just a part of a collection of evidence in articles that uncover the problems in the abstinence-only education programs—programs that have received up to $1.5 billion dollars in federal funding.”

    or here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/12/30/health/webmd/main4691685.shtml

    ” Teenagers who take virginity pledges are no less sexually active than other teens, according to a new study.

    But the results, published in the journal Pediatrics, suggest that these virginity pledgers are less likely to protect themselves against pregnancy or disease when they do have sex.

    Researchers say the findings suggest that virginity pledges may not significantly affect teenagers’ sexual behavior. Instead, they may decrease the likelihood of teenagers taking precautions, such as using a condom or using birth control when they do have sex.”

    Please educate yourself and even if you choose not to, do not try to prevent others from educating and protecting themselves. Ignorance kills.

    I’m still stunned that anyone would think that a child can be blamed because she has been raped by a man. Disgusting.

  20. JustWilliam says:

    Condoms are nearly 100% effective at preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

    What are you thinking Mr. Okeke? You claim condoms are a bad thing, and that raping a child is OK?

    I hope you are a good artist, because you are too crazy to be a good leader, and bad for the reputation of Belize. Shame on you.

  21. Disgusted! says:

    It appears that every johnny come lately can to come to Belize and decide what is good and bad morals as if we don’t have any brilliant minds in the country. Mr. Okeke needs to go back where he comes from and champion the cause of his oppressed, poverty stricken people if he is such a humanitarian. I despise this guy!!!!!!!!!!!

  22. SilasWrit says:

    Look it. Teenagers will have sex. No all of them but more than half will. It is our RESPONSIBILITY to educate them as best we can. But we won’t always be around checking if they do the right thing. Teenagers will make mistakes, it’s our job to let them know the risks and if they still want to do it, then provide condoms so atleast we will still be protecting them in some way.

    So i’m 21, don;t know if I’m still considered a teenager still. I try to be as abstinent as possible, I don’t drink or do drugs. I am aware of all the consequences of each as I have read up on all of them and I have chosen not to partake. But I still always carry a condom with me, just because its the responsible thing to do. Even if I don;t use it, if i’m at a party and a friend needs one, I can give it to him/her.

    To go about spouting the blame on random groups of people is just wrong. Parents and to a lesser degree schools should educate on both abstinence and condom use. Good role models are also needed. If we try and ONLY say abstinence is good then there are going to be alot of teens out there who don;t know the risks and WILL do it anyway.

    check this link out for further readings…
    http://www.tnr.com/blog/jonathan-cohn/78739/europe-brazil-sex-talk-condom

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